Fairytale Love

"the cats across the roof mad in love scream into drainpipes as i am ready ready to live never tired never sad never guilty" that's one of my favorite quotes of all time by bob dylan.. it's in the movie I'm Not There about the life of bob dylan. Its the opening to the scene where heath ledger and charlotte gainsbourg first make love to the song by bob dylan "I want you". Which by the way is an amazing song. Everything he writes is literally golden. I sometimes feel jaded and think that I will never know what love is. My friend the other day asked if I have ever loved one of the many boys that showed me affection. In fact I have actually only really loved one person and together we had everything. Being young adults and trying to maintain that love in a generation when love is the last thing on everyones mind though is extremely difficult. We gave it all we had yet it wasn't enough. All I want in life is to one day find the person that I can share my life with and be completely committed to. Have someone love me with their whole heart and literally be taken with me in every way possible. Watching romantic comedies usually bring me to tears. Even though I act tough like I don't need anyone else to be happy it would be nice to have someone completely infatuated with me that I actually want to be with as well. I want to have the feeling that I cannot live without this one person and have them with me forever. After giving your feelings to someone and having them completely ripped to shreds its hard to believe that it could actually happen and end well. Especially when you have had multiple relationships and none have worked. Yes this is what every human faces in their youth trying to find their "soulmate". It wears you down and eventually you may begin to feel like it will never happen to you and that's what I mean by jaded. Sure I feel this way alot but somewhere deep inside of me there is this little light of hope. It's hidden far away and i'm not sure if I can even find it by myself. But this sheer ounce of hope gives me the strength to believe that one day I will meet the man who can make me feel all of the feelings I've been dying my whole life to feel. The only other thing that dampens this hope is the feeling that maybe I put too much into it. I expect more than love actually is. I'm terrified that my ideas of love is just a fairytale that I have dreamt up in my head. Hollywood had inspired me to create this false reality of what love and relationships really are. Maybe they aren't all they are cracked up to be and its really just about being compatible with a person enough that you can put up with them for say fifty years. I mean do you really need to be in love with someone to marry them? Can you just be friends with them and be able to make decisions together? That way you can live a life and have fun with someone and compromise to raise children and manage a household. From most of the successful married couples that I have spoken to this is usually what they tell me it is actually all about. But I don't want that. If I can't find someone who gives me butterflies and makes me giddy then I don't want to have anything less. I would rather be alone with a whole bunch of cats and a career. I want the fairytale. Besides I couldn't have a sexual relationship with someone who was just my friend. I would need to want to jump their bones. hah. Seriously though, I want everything I feel I deserve. Nothing less. I want to someone to listen to a bob dylan song and say wow this is how I feel about Lauren. Actually let them go ahead and write a song about me themselves. No stealing Dylan's creativeness, come up with their own. I want to be one of those cats across the roof mad in love. MAD IN LOVE ya hear? peace xoxo